nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
