It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
