I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
