i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
