Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
