The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
