Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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