My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize