i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
