I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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