I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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