I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
