I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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