how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
