party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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