im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
