Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My vagina just recognized that song.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
