They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
