Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
