Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
His hands were made for my vagina.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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