I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
