I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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