nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
