I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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