Just mADE A PArabola og urine
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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