She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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