woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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