i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
