but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Randomize
