I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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