I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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