don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
