oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
