Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
