her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
