We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
