felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
