I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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