You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Randomize
