at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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