i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
