Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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