He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm at about main and main street
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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