"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
