Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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