how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize