I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize