Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
