Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
