A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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