Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
