Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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