i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
