dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
