Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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