he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
