Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
