our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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