got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
