Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
