I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize