the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
