SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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