That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
