I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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