My balls are so social today.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
