I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
