woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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